The Silver Lining

I guess there is a silver lining for everything, and I really think that we need to take a step back and appreciate that moments where the people you love really pull through for you. I think I want to take this journal entry and just do that, just understand that even in the midst of something I think is shitty, something good came out of it, something nice and sincere.

So I guess I want to preface this by pointing out the fact that the date today is Halloween, and I’m back in school. Obviously there is a lot of college-like things going on and I was out last night taking part in some of that. I think that the whole summer of partying has really caught up to me, and I don’t want to be part of the atmosphere anymore. So last night, I was at the Wash U party, and it was for all the MBA’s and SMP’s and it was a good time, at first. People were socializing and talking and I didn’t really feel out of place – it was fun and people seemed genuinely happy to see me and I was happy to see them. It was so interesting to see how different people dressed, especially because this is effectively my first college Halloween party experience.

It would have stayed great, if people had been able to control how much they drank – which obviously they didn’t. I mean it was an open bar, and people could drink as much as they wanted, and people really took advantage of that. They all love to drink. I think the party started going downhill when the alcohol really started to hit people, and then they became incoherent and no one could really hold a conversation. Then I did something that I thought I could handle, but I couldn’t. I told a girl that I really liked that the guy she was attracted to superficially was standing right behind her, dressed as Slash. And so, she immediately went over, and like…I don’t know how to say this nicely…but she was all over him. She was putting her hands around him, and basically just…yeah. You know where this one goes. I watched that unfold, and tried to not see it and hold conversations with other people. But it just wasn’t helping because no one was coherent enough. And that’s when I decided it was time for me to go. It hurt. It really did. And I’m not ready to feel pain again, not on account of someone who I was never with.

So I left, and went to the SLU party that I was invited to. And it was automatically a lot better there. The DJ was better, the dancing was more fun, etc. But the one thing that really turned me off was how physically close the girl that invited me there got. It was really uncomfortable. I didn’t like it. And regardless of the good time that I was having, all I really wanted to do after that was leave. And so I set an ultimatum, and left when the clock hit that time. I went home and basically just lounged around until I fell asleep.

Then I woke up, still not too happy about last night. And the girl texts me and asks me why I left without saying bye. After explaining and being honest about what happened and how I felt about it all, I went on with my day. I called my parents, and they offered to let me come back home over thanksgiving break if I wanted to. The tickets were expensive however, and I don’t know if I can make it, but the fact that they wanted me home was very nice to hear. I miss them a lot. They are great people, and are just the best. I love them to death. So that was the first thing that made me really feel nice.

I spent basically the rest of the day just doing meaningless things, because I needed a day where I was just like that. The dude in my class already finished the homework, like he always does, and I’m just like whatever. I don’t need to do homework today then. And then, at night, my friend and his girlfriend were asking me what I was doing and then invited me over for a movie night, which I thought was incredibly nice of them. They were going to go on a bar crawl, and then decided not to and just invited me over. That was the other good thing that happened. I think that there is a silver lining to every day, and I just realized that today wasn’t that bad. It was spent mostly alone, but I needed that, and I think the kindness of other people can really make a difference in the subtlest of ways. I really feel okay now, and I don’t care about what happened last night as much. I will be taking the steps to prevent myself from getting hurt, because that’s absolutely necessary.

But other than that, it’s been good. I love my those who pull through for me, even when they don’t know they are.

Keep it real, and until next time.