Things have been so amazing for a long time, and every single month seemed better than the last.
It reminds of when I was a junior in college, and I thought my life was amazing. I remember that there were signs before my life took a turn for the worse a few years ago, and I ignored them. I kept riding the wave and things just hit me so hard in the end.
A few weeks ago, I was walking home and I felt completely uncomfortable with something. And it was just this gut feeling that bad things were looming. I know something triggered it, but I can't remember what it was right now. That feeling came back today while I was at work in my conversations with my boss.
He asked me what I was really passionate about, and I felt that he was hinting that I might need to look for alternative routes. I know I'm not getting fired or anything, but I do have a quarterly review, and I think I might be put on probation. There has been frustration among the team about my contribution, and I've been really down about that.
On top of that, I feel like sometimes I act in ways that really push those I care about away from me. And it tends to happen around times where I'm stressed like I am right now. In trying to control my emotions, sometimes I let them get the best of me.
On days like this, it feels like the seams of everything I've come to know and love are slowly coming apart. And that makes me feel slightly helpless and a bit alone. I don't like to wallow in my self pity, so I won't. I'm just trying to understand my emotions.
Honestly, I'm struggling to get my thoughts out. There's a lot more meat to everything I just wrote, but the words aren't there. This is becoming more of a problem too - not being able to talk about how I feel on the inside, and what's bothering me.
It reminds of when I was a junior in college, and I thought my life was amazing. I remember that there were signs before my life took a turn for the worse a few years ago, and I ignored them. I kept riding the wave and things just hit me so hard in the end.
A few weeks ago, I was walking home and I felt completely uncomfortable with something. And it was just this gut feeling that bad things were looming. I know something triggered it, but I can't remember what it was right now. That feeling came back today while I was at work in my conversations with my boss.
He asked me what I was really passionate about, and I felt that he was hinting that I might need to look for alternative routes. I know I'm not getting fired or anything, but I do have a quarterly review, and I think I might be put on probation. There has been frustration among the team about my contribution, and I've been really down about that.
On top of that, I feel like sometimes I act in ways that really push those I care about away from me. And it tends to happen around times where I'm stressed like I am right now. In trying to control my emotions, sometimes I let them get the best of me.
On days like this, it feels like the seams of everything I've come to know and love are slowly coming apart. And that makes me feel slightly helpless and a bit alone. I don't like to wallow in my self pity, so I won't. I'm just trying to understand my emotions.
Honestly, I'm struggling to get my thoughts out. There's a lot more meat to everything I just wrote, but the words aren't there. This is becoming more of a problem too - not being able to talk about how I feel on the inside, and what's bothering me.
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